Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This girl is more easily done than said...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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