separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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