I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fuck appropriateness.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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