do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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