Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Houston, we have a blender
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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