if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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