he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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