I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize