I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize