Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize