U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize