I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
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I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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