On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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