So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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