i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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