I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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