Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm really busy with my period
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