At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish you could order shots online.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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