I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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