Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize