So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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