i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive.
So much puke
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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