I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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