he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize