Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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