are you still at the devil's house?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize