Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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