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I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
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