arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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