so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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