So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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