Im at strip club and am horny
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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