If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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