I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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