I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize