my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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