he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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