i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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