she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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She's like a pop up book from hell.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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