Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My penis needs a shock collar
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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