My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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