my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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