I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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