They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
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This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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