I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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