Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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