that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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