theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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