I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Randomize