Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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